not the blog03/11/09
but never? having really been beads beading plus shark factor
Some things you see with bad vision are funny or creepy, like a rubberband that looks like a cockroach today everythng seems to be seen through a scarf of fine silk, a pale green, sheer and almost white and then there are almost not-there pale pink batik blotches all over everything, do you see it? Here, behind me? I can barely remember this scarf ancient, frail, the green & pink so faded as to be almost the same, and bouncing around when I look away seeing pale or pink, a scarf that belonged to Lee's grandmother when they her grandparents went to live in a home they left behind a life of junk that was unworthy of the move and the limited space at the ...unit neither junk that would notice being lost nor that anyone else would want to gather and keep close but vision changes with time and she and I went one morning after AmPm, or what was the other one that opened after Laight Again closed for the morning? to pick through all their crazy wild stuff. Grandmother musta been a flapper, with these tiny-size delicate-brazen heavy silk with beads beading all up & down, and long string fringes (to bare ankles!?) - Lee claimed every bit of the tiny sexy women stuff of course I took just one fragile scarf but really I seized the old-man stuff whenIcouldn't leggo first and firmly a green & gold sharkskin three-piece that was adorably too short on me everywhere and nearly neon in the shark factor, pantlegs barely more than shorts okay, mid-calf, but the mom voice wants to punch up the story and I felt stridey-powerful when we walked together home wee grampy, wee grammy, who wouldn't, except then sometimes I might forget the story train like if we had been out all night not drinking never drank those days cause she didn't like the way I acted when I drank jabbering to anyone and wa-a-ay too flirty. This seemed fine we were a hilarious buddy road-trip movie bouncing from set to set. So we arrived at the grandparents' old apartment where they had been two grandfather glimpsed maybe by grandmother through the flimsy head scarf slipped somewhat awry? and story bits I now leave out like, later, Lee, because the "reveal," is so foreseen by me, there were valid literary devices that would combine to "conceal," like the scarf, duh, the fact that I was the one lost the one missing and I am damn clever at that lit crap I was the one not the cat, and the guy was just a guy, only as-needed as I thought once oh wait I already cut those two out, the cat and the guy because I was no longer trying to establish avenues of relatability and now I'm too impatient to even try to corral then saddle any cleverness like I once and now I'm in a rush to close this up for good reasons that anyone anyone could have now I have a headache no now I'm hungry no now I'm lonesome no now I'm tired no now but haven't I always been so why am I now seeing everything in my room through a shadow of this disintegrating scarf too delicate to survive except if burned just slightly into my retinas forever